CONVERSATIONS WITH ME MYSELF AND I

ME: Whoa! (Jumps off scale)

MYSELF: Give up chocolate and wine and you wouldn’t weigh that much.

I: Don’t be silly. I can’t  live without chocolate and wine. Seriously.

ME: Man, this line is sooo slow!

MYSELF: You picked it. Why do you always choose the slowest one?

I: I pick the cashier that looks like he/she won’t steal my debit card information.

ME: Look at those pretty chocolate cupcakes! A little sweet treat for after dinner!

MYSELF: You might as well plaster it on your thighs and fast-circuit the process.

I: I wish I could shut MYSELF up.

ME: Oh, look at these cute swimsuits! I need a new one.

MYSELF: Go ahead try them on. Heh heh heh. You know how you love to try on suits, see yourself in a three way mirror. Heh heh heh.

I: Forget it. I’ll wear my old one. Where’s that chocolate?